Bittersweet Life...

Thursday, October 21, 2004

dun u juz hate ppl who always copy wat u do? and they think tt they own the world by juz doin tt? im refering to neither of my frens. definitely not... im refering to my bro.. hah! cant believe tt im calling him bro. he SO doesnt deserve tt... he disgusts me with his childish nature.

firstly, yesterday, rajan and azam told me, or in fact complained to me, abt him. not tt i mind. but when they go on and on... and it is as if onli my responsibilty tt i have to take care every aspect of him, tt freaked me out. this is the story. he didnt do well for his fye, but he goes on with his damn boring life, smiling away. he doesnt show a fuckin care and concern bout his results. ya, maybe he doesnt wanna show it, but does he have to be so ignorant?! get a life! face reality! grow up! when i confronted him yestreday bout azam and rajan complainin to me, he gave me this freaking "fed-up" look on his ugly face. wtf lah.. if u cant take comments, sorrie lah. and i dun give a damn if u read this. u wanna complain to ur darling parents, go ahead. get this into ur undeveloped brain: i dun give a freaking damn! then, juz now, he changed the internet browser. i was like 'wat?!' i was totally cluesless at wat he was talking about. asked him to explain, he did, with a disgust and arrogance in his voice. arrogance coz he feels gd tt i have no fuckin idea of wat was goin and, tt made him looked as if he was the smarter one. wateva. u noe wat? i dun give a damn wat u change to the comp.. for all i care, if u, yes u, meddle ard with this comp, u are so dead. think u all smart and IT savvy huh? wateva... and tt makes u matured and all grown up? nah! u are so wrong!

sick of home, sick of sch, sick of life. im sick and disgusted of being insulted, pushed ard.... i hate when ppl have the worng impression of me. i hate when ppl jump to conclusion about me based one juz one thing tt they noe. i noe myself, and nth can change tt. but sometimes, i feel so alone. coz, i dunno who to trust. i dunno who i can talk to. i dunno who can understand me. i dunno who is willing to go thru troubles with me. i dunno. i really dun. do u think i like to yell and scream and scold ppl off? i dun.. but ppl forced me to. provoke me, and i wont have any hesitation to give u hell. i dun like living my life in anger all the time. i feel gd to be at sch, where ppl i consider frens can make me laugh, and laugh with me at the same time. however, i dunno if there is trust among us. i feel thankful tt u ppl understand, and cheer me up whenever i feel rotten. but im not really sure if ill be ur fren still after we leave sch. at home, i feel horrible. im locked up, and there's no trust given to me. no chance even to prove myself. once i fail, straightaway, relatives and family change a prespective of me. when i do sth diff, they believe tt i was under influences. i feel so torn apart when they blame someone else, but not themselves. they are so narrow. i dunno wat im talking abt... juz wanna let go wat im feeling now. god, i wanna go to sch. y cant my parents, esp my mom, stop first and think, for once, tt their daughter is growing up? tt her daughter does revolve ard changes and influences, but she still does think on her own and wants to be independant?

sometimes, im upset by this tots. but i dun want to. i am trying to be strong. i cant go thru this alone. i dun want to. i need my mom, frens, to understand me. to understand tt im being locked up in another world by my mom. and i want my mom to understand tt i want to be free, juz for a second. i wanna be free to make my own decision out of my own will. i wanna be free in expressin myself, face to face with reallity. sadly, i cant.... i

Smashed into pieces at 10/21/2004 02:46:00 PM